Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
