im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
