I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
