i jhust puked up my retainher.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
