Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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