Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
