I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Even my vagina gasped.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
