margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
