Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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