I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
