He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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