her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she looked like the before picture.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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