She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
