she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize