Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize