arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
