I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize