Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
