Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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