Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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