He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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