I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
