why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
