Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
