Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
