I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
