this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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