Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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