Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
