A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
