I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
