It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
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