just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
