the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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