theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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