Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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