when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
