there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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