you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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