I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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