Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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