dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
