He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so let's talk penis.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This is classic penis vs brain.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
