I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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