i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
there was a trapeze. enough said
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ketchup is God's man juice
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
