I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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