You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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