Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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