then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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