His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
