it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
