he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
