I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
