Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
