I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
