You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We are all done wearing pants today
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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