Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize