My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
