Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
