Don't make out with my wife yet
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
