Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
50% drunk capacity currently
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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