It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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