You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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