I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize