I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
