He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
