quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
