So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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